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mararupners

I love my dog. I really do. She’s beautiful and silly and spunky and sweet and all the good doggy things. But there are days, like today, when I just don’t have it in me. It’s 2pm and I’m working at home. It’s icy. It’s gray. It’s snowing a bit. I know she could use a walk and I know it’s only going to get colder and then it’s going to get darker and when it gets darker it will be icier and then I REALLY won’t be feeling it so I really should just get up and do it now.

But where to go? Walking Ogle can be challenging, although we have made tremendous progress. After the bite incident last year, walking her gave me crazy anxiety. What if she reacts to someone? What if she gets overexcited and knocks me down? What if she somehow gets away from me and bites someone? What if, what if, what if. I would only walk her with the muzzle in secluded areas and at weird times. Heart palpitations the whole time, on high alert. (In hindsight, somewaht of an overreaction. )

Over time I calmed down. And she calmed down. Training helped, but I think my attitude helped more. She’s got a sharp emotional radar on her and my being all over the place and panicky, she picked up on it. Duh. Of course she did. Live and learn.

So walking is better than it was. Sometimes even fun. But it still requires energy and attention and focus. How I envy those people who stroll along with their dogs, latte in one hand, chatting on the phone! Not how we roll, that’s for sure.

We live in a village with sidewalks, shops, houses relatively close together. It would be pretty quiet right now, not well shoveled, but it could be pretty to just walk around town. We probably wouldn’t see anyone and if we did we’d be able to give space. But that kind of walk for her is actually sort of boring so I’d have to mix in some training. Turn up the energy.

OR we could head to the woods. We have hiking trails very close by. Put on the long lead, let her get some sniffs, burn some extra steam. But there might be deer…

And so I sit here writing, debating, and getting nowhere. Time to get up. Where to? Not sure yet.

(UPDATE: We opted for the woods. It was good.)

Our Story

Some days are just ordinary days, and some days are the kinds of days on which, without warning, everything tilts.

Friday, January 6, 2023 was one of those kinds of days.

I was working from home. My husband Aini took our two-year old dog Ogle to the dog park. It’s their thing. She gets a bunch of exercise and he gets to chit chat with his dog peeps.

They were gone for a long time. And when he got home, he came into my office. Pale. Shaky. He sat down. And proceeded to tell me that Ogle had chased down and brutally attacked another dog. There were multiple deep bites; the other dog was taken to the emergency vet. Ogle didn’t have a scratch.

The next few days were a blur of tears and severe anxiety and text message exchanges with the other owner. The other dog recovered. We drained our savings and borrowed money to pay the vet bills.

We looked at our dog with new eyes. We looked at ourselves with new eyes. What the hell had just happened? And what the hell do we do now?

True confession. After much soul-searching and research, we did try to rehome her. We had visions of her living with more competent owners, on a couple of acres of land, with fewer stressors. A place where she could be who she is. But…an adult dog with a bite history. Who would want to take her? Turns out, nobody.

So here she still is. And here we still are. And this blog is a reflection on our continued journey with this intense, wonderful, complicated, smart, anxious, beautiful and incredibly challenging dog.