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mararupners

It’s been a while. Ogle’s people have had a not-so-great couple of weeks. But Ogle, however, is doing great. Really. I’ve been working hard with her and we’re seeing progress. She’s been slightly more chill on walks – thank you new trainer and “dominant dog collar.” She did three nights in boarding with no issues. We haven’t had a jailbreak in months. (knocking on wood.)

But. There’s always a but with this one…

Yesterday, after I picked my son up from aftercare, we were driving home talking about his upcoming spring break at the end of the month. He’s 13, and has some stuff. A lot of challenges relating to his epilepsy, learning challenges, motor planning challenges, and he’s somewhere on the high functioning end of the spectrum. He’s got anxiety, he is a planner. So, even though the break is weeks away, it was on his mind and he needed to clear some things up. Like, are we going away? For how long? Which days? And then, what will happen after that? So we talked it through, and it seemed a good time to test the waters about something I’ve been considering.

“So,” I said, “After we get back there will be four more days of break. And I need to go in to the office to work on two of those days. How would you feel about staying home while I go to work?”

“Alone?”

“Well, yes. Papa would be home for part of the day, and I would come home early, but you’d be alone for a few hours.”

He thought about it. At first he kind of smiled, but then it faded.

“With Ogle?”

“Well, yes, with Ogle. She would be home with you.”

He was quiet for a bit. And then.

“I don’t think so. I don’t like that. I don’t know what to do with Ogle.”

Ouch. What 13 year old boy doesn’t want to stay home all day and hang out with his dog?

It was a really depressing reminder that they do not have the relationship we thought they were going to have. We adopted Ogle at the tail end of COVID, when he was 9. His older siblings were off at college, and she was going to be “his” dog, his buddy and playmate.

But that’s not the way it has played out. They are not buddies. She doesn’t really like kids and the truth of it is, he’s sort of scared of her. He can’t walk her, and won’t play with her unless I help him. The few friends he does have are terrified of her. We put a muzzle on her when they come over, and with one friend we have to crate her too because she loses her shit so badly. She’s got an intense loud bark, is not above snapping at a kid if she gets spooked, and has been known to escape from the yard. She’s unpredictable.

Of course, he loves her, in his own way, and she loves him, in her own way, and is very protective of him, but it is definitely not a “a boy and his dog” situation. More of an uneasy truce.

And this quick little conversation with him made me question, once again, for the zillionth time, if we are doing the right thing by keeping her.

Our Story

Some days are just ordinary days, and some days are the kinds of days on which, without warning, everything tilts.

Friday, January 6, 2023 was one of those kinds of days.

I was working from home. My husband Aini took our two-year old dog Ogle to the dog park. It’s their thing. She gets a bunch of exercise and he gets to chit chat with his dog peeps.

They were gone for a long time. And when he got home, he came into my office. Pale. Shaky. He sat down. And proceeded to tell me that Ogle had chased down and brutally attacked another dog. There were multiple deep bites; the other dog was taken to the emergency vet. Ogle didn’t have a scratch.

The next few days were a blur of tears and severe anxiety and text message exchanges with the other owner. The other dog recovered. We drained our savings and borrowed money to pay the vet bills.

We looked at our dog with new eyes. We looked at ourselves with new eyes. What the hell had just happened? And what the hell do we do now?

True confession. After much soul-searching and research, we did try to rehome her. We had visions of her living with more competent owners, on a couple of acres of land, with fewer stressors. A place where she could be who she is. But…an adult dog with a bite history. Who would want to take her? Turns out, nobody.

So here she still is. And here we still are. And this blog is a reflection on our continued journey with this intense, wonderful, complicated, smart, anxious, beautiful and incredibly challenging dog.